Anyone who loves Craigslist should read this thread

[stormin94]

First of all, I couldn't use the title "best of craigslist" because I believe that is already taken. But this thread pertains to the lighter side of craigslist...mostly, the best of craigslist. So, my challenge to you is to post your favorite craigslist posting. It can be your favorite for humor, or anyother reason, just POST IT UP!!!

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[stormin94]

I'll go first...

I was on Craigslist tonight, looking through the "Best Of CL" section, and this little gem caught my eye..... I thought it turned out to be a rather clever story in the end.....

My last few months have been racked with guilt and shame over a horrible incident and the need to purge myself has become overwhelming. So I turn to you for a compassionate ear.
Last summer, I took my girlfriend, I'll call her Beulah, and her son, I'll call him Eugene, to a water amusement park, attempting to nurture the bond that was forming between us. After a busy morning of paddleboats and bumper cars, we took a moment to refresh ourselves with a hardy lunch of chili dogs, cheese fries, and lemonade. Relaxing under shade trees, Eugene smiled a chili-smeared grin, as the sun cast its languid glow over the park. With the leisurely picnic ending, we hastily dispersed to the changing rooms, in anticipation of our next adventure?the giant water slide.
During our first run, I noticed a gnawing, internal discomfort, although the first sure signs of brown-capping weren?t apparent until Eugene and I climbed the half-mile of stairs to the summit, for our second run. Unfortunately, I had taken the opportunity, to wear a most-revealing, blue Speedo, in the hope of further enamoring myself to the beautiful Beulah. Lord knows, I have the body to accommodate such a blatant, public display of manhood.
However, I soon began to regret my decision, for the sharp, cut of the elastic dug into my swelling, gaseous abdomen. My intestines were bubbling like a whirlpool. By the time we reached the loading platform at the summit, I was squirming in wretched misery. Considering my options, I surmised that taking the slide was far more promising than fighting my way back down the stairs, through the crowd. Thank God I was next in line. My trouble would soon be over. The only obstacle before me was an elderly German tourist, staring pensively at the wild rapids. With obvious reservation, he shuffled slowly toward the mouth of the blue tunnel. Beyond the point of pleasantries, I bellowed, ?Come on, Pops! Shake a leg!?
Turning toward the acne-pocked boy who was managing the ride that day, he made a feeble attempt in his native tongue to communicate his apprehension. I had no other choice! The brown star pulsated?nearing supernova. The manager boy recoiled in shock as I pushed the old man down the slide, headfirst. Cursing me with hostile foreign jibberish, he disappeared around the first turn. In an instant, I followed, hurling myself down the slick, plastic vortex.
The fury of the slide was incredible. Rolling and spinning, I gathered speed quickly. The angle of the chute dipped to nearly seventy degrees, increasing my velocity as I careened from side to side, the water turning to white, angry foam. Ricocheting from a high, banking wall, the impact smashed me like some fecal-laden pinata. I lost control, discharging a foul, liquid trail.
A child screamed somewhere behind me, as I slid toward certain humiliation below. Frantically, I grabbed at the back of my Speedo, in a desperate attempt to flush myself clean. To my dismay, a fetid school of dung-guppies spilled into the churning maelstrom.
Nearing the final turn, the old man was standing upright in the tunnel in front of me, I?m sure, to exact some sort of revenge. His sinewy muscles were tensed, rage filled his dilated eyes. But with youth, and gravity, on my side, I swiftly took him out at the ankles. A palsied hand grabbed me as we tumbled out of the chute, and into the pool.
Moments later, a wailing boy fell behind us, riding the crest of a polluted wave. Thinking fast, I collared the old man, and dragged him onto the concrete deck. A lifeguard confronted us as people ran screaming from the pool in pale-faced terror. I explained to the guard how the old man had soiled the waters, how obviously the speed and excitement had proven too much for a man of his age and condition.
Unable to comprehend my story, or explain himself, the old man could only respond with a flurry of incomprehensible shrieks, vective, and obscene gestures. I suggested that he was hysterical from embarassment and that in the best interests of everyone that he be removed from the park?immediately.
The guard eyed me with suspicion, but had no alternative but to believe my story. Fortunately, the force of the waters had washed me thoroughly of any incriminating evidence. I gathered Beulah and Eugene, and made a dash for the parking lot. I?m sure the truth eventually surfaced, but not until we were safely on the interstate, heading back home.

[ssbogger]

This one talking about M&M Duels is pretty funny:

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

[CyMoN]

Originally Posted by ssbogger

This one talking about M&M Duels is pretty funny:

hahaha that one is great

[stormin94]

That M&M's one is GREAT!!!

Here's another:

To the bike thief with a conscience:

I'm still a little confused. I should never have left my bike so poorly secured at the fruitvale bart station, but my partner had just had a pretty serious accident and I was more concerned about her health than my old beater bike. When I came to claim it, though, I could tell that something was wrong. The front wheel (left unsecured by me) was all askew. It was then that I noticed that this was an entirely different wheel. You had stolen my wheel, then in some fit of guilt, compassion, or perhaps just not knowing what to do with your old wheel, you left it with my bike. Here's some advice for you though, in case you want to do this again:

1) The alloy rimmed, dt spoked, deore xt hubbed wheel you left is MUCH MUCH MUCH nicer than the steel rimmed, ?? spoked, ?? hubbed wheel you took.

2) I'll probably change it out pretty soon, but the armadillo tire is much better for commuting and general use (what I normally use this bike for) than the 2.25 inch super knobby offroad tire on that old beater wheel of mine. That tire you got is really only useful for serious off road riding and seriously fat folks riding over potholes.

3) I noticed that there's a slow leak in the tire you left. Thus, it's only fair to inform you that the tire you took has a rather fast leak. I usually carry a pump around because the tire goes flat about every 10 miles. I guess that's why I never really ride this bike unless my other three are out of commission (as is the case now).

Again, thanks for the upgrade! My beater mountain bike has taken on a whole new life! If you have any other similar trades you want to make, shoot me an email anytime.

[paxil4x4]

How about call girls

http://sacramento.craigslist.org/w4m/456514731.html

[scrid]

Heres my contribution.
Maybe it's a members truck.

http://omaha.craigslist.org/car/449475247.html